What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 06:27
I don,t even have a pension.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why are the Chinese so sensitive to Western criticism?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why cant a narcissist admit when they are wrong?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
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She found it foreign!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why am I attracted to older men?
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What are the pros and cons of arranged marriages?
She wouldn,t have been !
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Who is the most trusted person in your life, and do they have the same trust on you?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It was going to be , some day.
What does it mean to you to live a life that reflects biblical values?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do some people have sex with dogs?
So whats the point in blame.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was scared of men, in general
How can a hacker damage me, realistically?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She married twice! .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My life is so biszare .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was seconnd youngest,
We were not on the streets..
Would this be the day?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot live in the past .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I couldn’t, believe it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So, i spoilt her more .
She was in good health!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I think the readers, may guess!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
She loved him until the end.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
I have no regrets .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
(And it was in our own minds.)
What did i know ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was 9 years of age.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But, we were locked up after school.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I never cut or harmed myself..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Who then, do I blame.?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I will be 64.
I write beautiful poetry .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was very sick at this time too.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im still living with it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I said to her
This is soul school!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ive learnt so much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And i lived it daily.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!